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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22730521">one hundred ways to say i love you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaussieauthor/pseuds/lilaussieauthor'>lilaussieauthor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Euphoria (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>100 ways to say i love you, AU, Angst, Anxiety, Euphoria, F/F, Fluff, Nightmares, Panic Attacks, Phobias, Rexi, Smut, Zendaya - Freeform, maude apatow, my aBSOLUTE BABIES, oneshots, rue and lexi, they're in love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 17:07:02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22730521</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilaussieauthor/pseuds/lilaussieauthor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>100 different ways that Rue and Lexi say I love you</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rue Bennett/Lexi Howard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>249</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. 1. Pull over. Let me drive for a while.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>been working on this for a bit! chapters will be short... but there's gonna be 100 of them, so you can't complain. i'll update as often as i can. probably weekly. who knows. enjoy! let me know what you think :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In all honesty, Rue never thought she’d live to see this moment.</p><p>The moment she gets to drive along a deserted highway with all her bags shoved in the bag of Lexi’s commodore, driving all the way to California to attend fucking <em>Stanford </em>with the girl she’s grown to love more than anything else in the world.</p><p>The girl who’s snoring ever so slightly in the passenger seat next to her, her head resting on her hand, propped up against the door of the car. Rue smiles softly at that, reaches over lovingly to press her hand against Lexi’s leg in a gentle rub.</p><p>Lexi’s her whole world, nowadays. She’s been clean for two years and counting and Jules is a distant thought of the past. She’s going into study Crime Law at Stanford while Lexi majors in Photography and Psych, and <em>god,</em> for the first time in ages she feels free.</p><p>Hopeful.</p><p>
  <em>Happy. </em>
</p><p>They’re making a road trip out of it, stopping along at little towns and spending their nights curled up next to the fire in log cabins, listening to wolves howl and watching the stars.</p><p>It’s almost what she’d call perfect.</p><p>She’s smiling along, singing softly to Michael Jackson and feeling the wind whip her hair through the window that’s cracked open on her side, feeling a general sense of contentment when Lexi stirs with a mumble and yawns, drawing a soft giggle out of Rue. “Hey,” she whispers, and Lexi’s eyes flutter open and find hers with a smile.</p><p>“Hi.” Her tongue clicks lazily against the top of her mouth for a moment before she covers the hand still resting on her thigh with her own and starts to play gently with Rue’s hand. “How far away are we?”</p><p>“Couple more hours still til the motel,” Rue responds with a smile. “We’re in dire need of snacks, though. I may or may not have… uh – <em>lost</em> – the m and m’s while you were sleeping.”</p><p><em>“Rue!” </em>Lexi hits her teasingly, laughing as she sits fully up and rolls her eyes. “Well, next time we see a gas station, pull over – let me drive for a while.”</p><p>Rue smiles at her thankfully, squeezes her hand and feels this wave of happiness wash over her. “I love you, Lex.”</p><p>Lexi smiles back. “I love you too. But you’re buying the m and m’s. That was <em>not</em> my fault.”</p><p>Rue, giggling guiltily, spots an exit and indicates off the highway, pulling into a tiny roadhouse on the side of the road. It’s got timber thatched roofing and a cute arched doorway and there’s a single gas tank out the front with a lonely looking hose. Rue laughs. Lexi snaps three, four, five photos with her phone and then together, they make their way inside, hands linked and eyes bright.</p><p>“Howdy,” a middle aged woman says, sticking her head up from in between two shelves. “How can I help you?”</p><p>Lexi finds herself giggling, turning away from Rue to browse through a sad-looking collection of hats and scarves. “We’re looking for caramel m and m’s,” Rue says helpfully, “and a bag of Cheetos, please.”</p><p>The lady grins. “Just to your right there, darlin’. Were you two needin’ a place to stay the night? We have a room out the back if you are.”</p><p>Rue starts to shake her head, but a giggling Lexi interrupts her, coming up behind her with a squirming kitten in her hands. “Look, Rue Rue! A kitten!”</p><p>Rue can’t help but laugh at her girlfriend’s antics. “Yeah, baby, that’s a kitten. Not <em>our</em> kitten, though, so you need to put it down.”</p><p>The woman is watching them. “Well, actually, our tabby’s just had babies a few weeks back and we’re lookin’ to sell, if you’re interested. That littlie’s name is Callister, but we just call her Callie.”</p><p>Rue’s sure Lexi’s been working on her doe eyes, because when she turns around her girlfriend has the most adorable, pleading look on her face. “Please, Rue?”</p><p>The kitten’s snuggled in now, purring softly into Lexi’s neck. Rue has to turn herself away from the sight. “Lex, we don’t even know if the dorm is animal-friendly.”</p><p>“You could always call them,” the woman says, winking at Lexi, who pokes her tongue out at Rue. “Which college are you headed to? I know a few around here are super lenient when it comes to pets.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s not around –”</p><p>“Stanford,” Lexi butts in with a grin. “We’re going to Stanford.”</p><p>The lady’s face lights up. “A couple of smarties, eh? My Roger went to Stanford, took his pal Milo with him throughout his whole course. O’ course, Milo’s a dog, but I think you’d be fine. Better perhaps to just give them a call, though, hey?”</p><p>Rue turns around, eyes smiling, and nuzzles the cat’s neck gently with her knuckle. “Well, well,” she says to it softly. “Aren’t you a cutie, hey?”</p><p>The cat mewls, butts it’s head carefully into Rue’s hand. Lexi grins. She knows she’s won.</p><p>“Fine,” Rue laughs. “I’ll give them a call, give me a second.” She turns away, dialling. Lexi’s left stroking the kitten’s head with a single finger, her eyes dancing.</p><p>“You’ve got her wrapped around your little finger, don’t you?” The lady says with a laugh. “Be careful with her. She really loves you.”</p><p>Lexi’s face folds into a warm smile. “Good thing I really love her too, then.”</p><p>The woman grins. “It very well is, young lady. Now, I’ve got your m and m’s, and these Cheetos, and as soon as your girl comes back I’ll duck out back and grab you Callie’s things. There’s a can of cat food on the counter up there if you want it, free of charge.”</p><p>“Thank you,” Lexi smiles, palm cupping the kitten’s head. “God, let’s hope we can keep you, hey?”</p><p>A minute later and Rue’s back with a smile, wrapping her arms around Lexi’s waist from behind and resting her head on her shoulder. “We can keep her, Lex. It’s all good.”</p><p>Lexi squeals in a very un-ladylike way, turns to Rue and kisses her fully on the lips. “Yay! Oh my god, <em>yes</em>.” She brings the kitten up to their faces, grins at it, and kisses it too. “We’re gonna take you right on home, miss Callie. Just you wait.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. 2. It reminded me of you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>soft soft soft</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm back from the dead! Let me know how you like this :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Rue!” Gia yells, grinning at Lexi as she calls for her sister. “You’ve got a visitor!”</p><p>Rue doesn’t reply, burying herself even further within the nest of blankets she’s made within the last two days. Everything fucking <em>hurts</em>, and she doesn’t <em>want</em> a visitor, she wants to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up ever again.</p><p>Gia, meanwhile, rolls her eyes at Lexi and welcomes her in. “You know the way. Go for it.”</p><p>Lexi smiles warmly at her, makes her way down the hallway, knocks lightly at Rue’s door. “Hey, Rue, it’s me.”</p><p>“Go away,” Rue mumbles, but it’s a halfhearted mumble and Lexi lets herself in anyways. She always has.</p><p>The light makes her wince, and she rolls away from the doorway, away from Lexi, away from the two many things invading her senses. “I said go away.”</p><p>Lexi shrugs, setting her bag down on the floor and sitting lightly at the end of Rue’s bed. “And I said no.”</p><p>
  <em>Fuck her.</em>
</p><p>“Can you at least close the door?”</p><p>“Magic word, Rue.”</p><p>“<em>Please</em>, Lexi, close the fucking door.”</p><p>Lexi kicks it shut with her foot. “What’s going on?”</p><p>“Nothing. Why are you here?”</p><p>“I bought you a present.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Because that’s what friends <em>do</em>.”</p><p>Rue sighs, peeps her eyes out from beneath her covers. “I’m not a very good friend, Lexi.”</p><p>“Oh, shut up.” Lexi scoots over so she’s sitting cross legged across from Rue. Rue makes a small, persistent sound and covers her face again, whining. “Let me help, kay, Rue?”</p><p>“I don’t need help.”</p><p>“Yes, you fucking do,” Lexi scoffs, pulling the covers off Rue and helping her up despite her complaints. “Oh, come on. Sit up. We don’t have to go anywhere but I’m staying, okay?”</p><p>Rue sighs. “Okay.” There’s a tiny pause. “Thanks, Lexi.”</p><p>“It’s nothing.” It’s totally something. “Do you want your present?”</p><p>“I don’t really – wanna take something from you.”</p><p>
  <em>Instant guilt. Hitting her like a ton of bricks.</em>
</p><p>“You’re not taking it, I bought it.” <em>For you.</em></p><p>Rue smiles tightly. “Thanks, then.”</p><p>
  <em>God, Lexi should just go home this is so fucking awkward why is she even here why did she think this was a good idea –</em>
</p><p>“Lex.” Rue’s hand is on her knee, a slightly warmer smile on her lips. “Thank you, really.”</p><p>Lexi smiles back, and then she’s pushing a soft package onto Rue’s lap, wrapped in Christmas paper because that’s all she could find, and she’s watching Rue’s face anxiously as she unwraps –</p><p>A soft, super-fluffy alien blanket.</p><p>Rue’s face actually lights up, and she looks up at Lexi with a true smile. “Oh. My god.”</p><p>Lexi laughs self-consciously. “You like it?”</p><p>Rue feels herself grin properly for the first time in who knows how long. “C’mere,” she murmurs, scooting over and brushing aside a pile of butterfinger wrappers and her laptop. Lexi raises an eyebrow, watches as Rue pats the space behind her and welcomes her into her nest. “Do you have anything to do for the rest of the day?”</p><p>Lexi shakes her head. No.</p><p>“Wanna stay with me?”</p><p>
  <em>God, she thought she’d never ask.</em>
</p><p>“Yes, please.”</p><p>Rue smiles, folds her new blanket around them both and nestles lightly into Lexi’s side. “I’m sorry I’m such a fuckup.”</p><p>“You’re not a fuckup, Rue.”</p><p>“I a-am,” Rue whispers, burying her face comfortably in Lexi’s neck. “Every time I feel like this I shield myself from the world and I lock everyone out but I don’t want to, Lex, I just – most of the time I just need a fucking <em>cuddle</em>.”</p><p>Lexi feels her heart break. “That’s what I’m here for, Rue Rue. Let me cuddle you.”</p><p>And those four words set Rue off and she almost starts crying but she doesn’t, she curls into Lexi and pulls her new blanket around her shoulders and whimpers lowly into Lexi’s neck, feels Lexi’s fingers scrape across her back softly, concentrates on the feeling of being held.</p><p>Lexi makes sure the door’s shut, and then, looking straight ahead, starts to sing softly.</p><p>
  <em>My heart beats fast. Colours, and promises, how to be brave? How can I love, when I’m afraid. To fall. Watching you stand alone, all of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. </em>
</p><p>Rue closes her eyes, blinking sleepily into Lexi’s neck.</p><p>
  <em>One step closer. </em>
</p><p>She snuggles in more, lets Lexi’s arms tighten around her waist.</p><p>
  <em>I have died, every day, waiting for you. </em>
</p><p>Rue’s eyes finally fall closed.</p><p>
  <em>Darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years. </em>
</p><p>Neither of them notice as Gia sticks her head around the door, watching silently.</p><p>
  <em>I’ll love you for a thousand more. </em>
</p><p>“Lexi,” Rue whispers, lips moving languidly against Lexi’s neck as she rests calmly.</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“Why’d you get me a blanket?”</p><p>Lexi tuts, kneads her fingers through Rue’s hair. “I don’t know, I guess,” she whispers. <em>That’s not true, you do know.</em> “It reminded me of you.”</p><p>Rue smiles, tucks her hand into Lexi’s and lets out a long sigh. “I love it,” she says, and Lexi has to restrain herself from saying <em>I love you. </em></p><p>Because she does. She loves the soft, broken girl in her arms right now, loves the way she’s got the blanket wrapped tight around them because it makes her feel safe, loves the curls that have escaped Rue’s messy ponytail and how they frame her sad face. She loves how Rue’s curled up against her and breathing steadily for the first time since she arrives, loves how this is the effect she has on her.</p><p>She loves her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. 3. No, no, it's my treat.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>took me long enough! thanks to the person who sent me a random comment and told me to get back on my shit. love you! hope you're all doin okay with these crappy times. be strong. stay home. we'll get through this :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rue tries to pay, when they get to the checkout. She swears she does. But Lexi brushes her off easily with a ‘no, no, it’s my treat’, and gives her a little kiss that leaves her speechless.</p><p>“It’s mine next time, then,” she mutters stupidly, unknowingly making Lexi smile as she pays.</p><p><em>Next time</em>.</p><p>Lexi grabs the two pairs of skates from the bored-looking dude behind the counter with a slight giggle and pulls Rue along with her to the side of the rink. They were gonna go roller blading, but, you know, the place they went last time, well –</p><p>They went with Jules.</p><p>And Lexi knows, if she wants this relationship to work out, she needs to <em>not</em> mention Jules.</p><p>So here they are! Ice skating!</p><p>Rue locks eyes with Lexi as they tie the laces on the skates, and Lexi smiles. “It’s warmer in here than I thought,” she says, blushing slightly.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, Lex, be normal. It’s Rue.</em>
</p><p>Of course. It’s Rue. Which is the reason she’s so blushy and awkward in the first place. Because it’s Rue and she’s on a <em>date</em> with Rue, her best friend since childhood, her crush since middle school, her girlfriend since –</p><p>Well, not her girlfriend. Not quite yet.</p><p>But fuck, if today somehow works out, she very well could be, soon.</p><p>Rue’s also blushing, because hey! This is kinda weird!</p><p>And now it’s getting awkward.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>“C’mon,” Lexi says, holding her hand out for Rue to take. “Let’s get out there, hey?”</p><p>Rue nods, smiling easily again as she takes Lexi’s cool hand in her own. She springs up easily enough, aided slightly by Lexi’s fingers, but as soon as she goes to take a step –</p><p>She topples forward, and Lexi’s strong arms catch her <em>just</em> in time, pulling her up with a cheeky giggle. “You okay?”</p><p>Rue’s face is brighter than a tomato, and she groans slightly. “Fuck, I’m bad at this already.”</p><p>“Shut up, no you’re not,” Lexi grins, steadying Rue on her feet. “Maybe it’s easier on the ice, okay? Let’s try.”</p><p>Rue grumbles, but she follows Lexi, holding her hand in a vice-like grip all the way there, and you bet she’s not letting go as they slip onto the ice together.</p><p>Lexi grins at her, gliding easily across the smooth surface and pulling Rue – who, mind you, is looking like a baby giraffe – two legs in completely different spots, fluttering out beneath her before she squeals and falls square on her ass.</p><p>Lexi bursts out laughing, and Rue looks up at her, eyebrows raised, til she stops suddenly and looks seriously down at the girl on her butt. “Are you okay?”</p><p>Rue pouts. “How come you’re standing, and I’m not?”</p><p>Lexi giggles. “We can fix that. Here –” She holds out her hand again, and Rue takes it, heaving herself up with a grunt.</p><p>Lexi helps her slip ungracefully over to the side rail, which she then grips like nothing else, edging slowly forwards as Lexi slides perfectly next to her. “Why are you so good at this?”</p><p>“Cassie,” Lexi says nonchalantly. “Sometimes when she practised she’d take me out with her. I got a bit of practise up.”</p><p>Rue grumbles again, swearing loudly as her foot flies forward as she topples backwards. Lexi catches her with a grin and sets her back upright, whispering for her to stay still and gliding off into the distance.</p><p>Rue’s stomach swirls, her teeth worrying at her lip as she clutches at the side rail for dear life. Fuck, this was a disaster, she’s such a klutz –</p><p>“Here,” Lexi says, pulling over a penguin frame and holding it out in front of Rue. “Hold on.”</p><p>“Lexi.” Rue looks at her. “I am <em>not</em> using that.”</p><p>Lexi grins again. “Oh, well. Have fun, then!” She goes to skate away, turns perfectly in a cutting-edge pirouette as Rue groans again and changes her grip from the rail to the penguin’s flippers, and slides clumsily out to where Lexi’s spinning casually.</p><p>“See!” Lexi says, and her excitement’s contagious and wipes the frown off Rue’s face, replacing it with a smile. “You’re getting it.”</p><p>“I suck,” Rue says, but she’s smiling as she follows Lexi around with her little penguin. Lexi tuts at her, pulls her along for some of it, helps her around the rink with little quips and giggles that Rue grins at.</p><p>Within half an hour she kind of <em>has</em> got it – at least, enough that Lexi doesn’t have to literally push and pull her along, enough that she can slide a few steps before she has to grab something again. It’s later, now, and not many people are still out on the rink, so Lexi pulls the penguin away and grabs Rue’s hands.</p><p>“Hey, wait!” Rue cries, flailing after her precious penguin. “I need him!”</p><p>“No, you don’t,” Lexi smiles beautifully, and Rue stops looking at her penguin and begins to instead look at Lexi. Her hair’s come out of her ponytail, little curls framing her face as she grins brightly. “Come on, you trust me. Hold my hand.”</p><p>Rue squeezes them tight, sliding along carefully behind Lexi as the shorter girl pulls them both around the rink. “See?” She says gently. “I got you.”</p><p>Rue bites her lip, smiling as she moves her hands to Lexi’s waist and starts to press her feet a little harder against the ice, trying to skate properly.</p><p>It works, for a little bit, but then –</p><p>Lexi goes to turn around to say something to her and Rue loses her grip altogether and flails in the air for a second for something to grab on before she feels her legs give out beneath her and grabs Lexi’s hand blindly and then both of them are sprawled upon the ice.</p><p>Rue looks up, shocked. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry – are you – are you okay?”</p><p>Lexi turns to her, brushing ice out of her hair. “I’m fine,” she smiles. “Are you?”</p><p>Rue nods, and then they both start to laugh, laugh so hard they’re bent double and the attendant has to ask them to leave the rink.</p><p>They’re still giggling as they undo their skates, and still giggling when they’ve got warm hot chocolates pressed into their palms, and they only stop once they’re seated in the front of Lexi’s mom’s hatchback, breathing fog into the cool night air.</p><p>Lexi knows Rue’s probably super anxious right now because for the first time all night they’re not actively doing something (which she is), and she moves her hand over the console to grab Rue’s. “I had a lot of fun tonight.”</p><p>Rue locks eyes with her. “Me too, Lex.” <em>C’mon, Rue, say it.</em> “I wanna – if you want to, that is – I’d wanna do – do something like this… again?” There’s a pause. “But only if you want.”</p><p>“Of course I do, crazy,” Lexi grins, reaching across to tuck a curl behind Rue’s ear. “I’d love to.”</p><p>“O-okay,” Rue says, ignoring the sudden increase in her heartrate. “Okay – I – me too.”</p><p>And Lexi squeezes her hand and together they sip their hot chocolates and they’re both awkward as anything but that’s okay, because they’re together.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. 4. Come here, let me fix it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rue’s about to cry. She’s about to fucking <em>cry</em> because nothing’s working and she’s gotta get this goddamn fucking camera to work so she can film this practise audition tape before tomorrow’s theatre class, this tape that’s worth half her semester’s mark, this tape that’s making her anxious enough and now the fucking –</p><p>She’s just not gonna submit it. Fuck the mark.</p><p>Fuck all of this shit.</p><p>She throws the camera down with a growl, flopping onto her bed and pulling her hoodie over her body from the other side of the blankets. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>“Rue?” Gia sticks her head around the door, smiling cautiously. “Everything alright?”</p><p>Rue’s about to snap at her that everything’s clearly not fucking <em>alright</em>, but then she remembers that Gia’s asking because <em>she cares, Rue. She loves you</em>. (circa Lexi, 2019). So instead of mumbling a snappy answer and burying her face further in the sheets, she rolls over and gives Gia a tired smile. “My camera’s not working, that’s all.”</p><p>Gia looks slightly surprised, but she comes a little further into the room nevertheless and sits lightly on Rue’s bed. “Why do you need the camera?”</p><p>“Theatre assignment,” Rue sighs, and then she really <em>does</em> bury her face further in the sheets, because she’s just remembered that it’s almost impossible she’ll get it done by tomorrow –</p><p>She feels Gia’s weight shift slightly on the bed. “Do you want a hug?”</p><p><em>Yes. Yes, I do</em>. She smiles, properly, up at her little sister and scoots back over. “I would love a hug, Gia Marie.”</p><p>Gia smiles back, folds her sister into a hug and melts into it as Rue holds her tight. “Do you want some help with your assignment?”</p><p>Rue considers it. “I was gonna just not do it.”</p><p>“That’s very irresponsible…”</p><p>A raised eyebrow.</p><p>“Who else is in your class, Rue?”</p><p>Rue shrugs. “I don’t know. I don’t pay attention to them.”</p><p>Gia rolls her eyes. “Maddy?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Cassie?”</p><p>“She’s older than me, Gia.”</p><p>“Lexi?”</p><p>Rue can’t help it. The corner of her mouth tilts up into a smile and she nods softly. “Yeah, Lexi’s with me.”</p><p>Gia laughs, shaking her head. “Why don’t we call Lexi, Rue? She might be able to help.”</p><p>Rue pouts. “Okay, smartass. Let’s call Lexi.”</p><p>And call Lexi they do. The other girl picks up with a soft ‘hey, Rue Rue,’ and Rue blushes so heavily she thinks Gia might be able to <em>feel</em> it, and then she’s explaining that –</p><p>“My camera’s broken Lex and it won’t work and I can’t do my assignment for theatre and I was gonna just not do it but Gia says I have to and I can’t because this camera won’t <em>fucking work –”</em></p><p>“Rue,” Lexi interrupts gently. “Calm down. What’s wrong with the camera?”</p><p>Rue sighs heavily, picking it up and then tossing it back on her bed. “I don’t <em>know</em>. It just hates me.”</p><p>Lexi laughs. “Come here, crazy. Let me fix it, okay?”</p><p>Gia raises an eyebrow, but Rue’s smiling again and pulling away from her sister, throwing mismatched projects into her back and pulling her hoodie around her shoulders as she rattles on to Lexi about her audition tape, and then she’s shooting Gia a <em>thanks, bye!</em> and hopping on her bike to Lexi’s.</p><p>***</p><p>When she gets there, Lexi’s out the front, a DSLR around her neck and a hand outstretched for Rue, who takes it with a smile (only for Lexi, Lexi Howard is the only person she’d smile for right now) and lets her best friend pull her inside.</p><p>“Okay, hit me,” Lexi says once they’re seated in her room. “What’s wrong with it?”</p><p>Rue grumbles something unintelligible about breaking it and not doing the assignment but Lexi’s not having any of that, and she pulls out Rue’s camera and looks closely at it.</p><p>“Jesus, Rue,” she says softly. “The fuck did this camera do to you?”</p><p>“Wouldn’t work,” Rue answers with a pout, turning over onto her stomach on Lexi’s bed to look up at the other girl.</p><p>Lexi giggles, and then it’s quiet for a few moments as Lexi investigates the camera before she throws it onto the bed with a sigh. “Small update, Rue. I can’t fix it.”</p><p>Rue groans dramatically, flopping over Lexi’s bed. “Oh, well, guess I can’t –”</p><p>“Oh, no you don’t,” Lexi smirks, coming over to tickle Rue’s ribs. The other girl squirms. “We’ll do it on mine, okay?”</p><p>Rue frowns, but Lexi tickles her again with a cheeky grin. “Come on, you. It’ll be fun!”</p><p>And that’s how Rue ends up in front of Lexi’s camera, saying her lines in an admittedly monotone voice for her assignment, barely putting any effort in until Lexi clicks the camera off and raises an eyebrow. “Rue.”</p><p>“Lexi,” Rue says back, smirking slightly. Lexi rolls her eyes, pulls the other girl up and drags her out to the kitchen.</p><p>“You’re not even <em>trying</em>,” she groans, and Rue doesn’t argue. “Get into character, okay? Have some <em>fun</em>.”</p><p>Rue sighs. “It’s not <em>fun</em>, though, Lex. This isn’t my thing.”</p><p>“I know it’s not,” Lexi says, surprisingly gentle. Rue looks up. “But if we get it over with, you don’t have to do it again, okay?”</p><p>The taller girl rolls her eyes, leaning moodily against the bench and tapping her fingers anxiously onto the marble. “I don’t wanna do it, Lex.”</p><p>“Oh my god, you’re a literal child.” Lexi laughs, but she knows, somehow, that Rue’s reluctance to finish the task is more than just an anti-homework policy. She comes around the bench, steps immediately in front of Rue, and curls her arms around the other girl’s waist. “Look at me.”</p><p>Rue’s eyes flutter reluctantly up to meet Lexi’s. “What?”</p><p>“We’re gonna do this,” Lexi says. “We’re gonna fucking smash this task and get you a hella good score, and then when it’s done we’re gonna get pizza for dinner to celebrate and watch Ten Things I Hate About You, okay?”</p><p>Rue smiles softly at her. “Okay, Lexi.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. 5. I'll Walk You Home</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi loves i miss you! stay safe :))</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There’s a party on tonight. Rue’s not going – she’s on house arrest again for sneaking out at three am last night to go visit Fez because she’d run out of drugs.</p><p>She got caught.</p><p>But that’s beside the point. The point is, there’s a party – where everyone is! – and Rue’s sitting at home completely sober and hating her life.</p><p>She picks up her phone again and scrolls through the Snapchat and Instagram stories of everyone at school that she hates, just so she can work herself into a deeper depression as she watches bad quality videos of what she’s missing out on.</p><p>Rue’s never actually <em>liked</em> parties. No, the hundreds of people and the loud music and all the noises and smells and sweaty teenagers does bull for her anxiety. But she likes, you know, the amount of drugs and alcohol there, she likes knowing that everyone’s in the same state she is – completely and utterly smashed.</p><p>But not tonight. She’s so sober it’s not funny and the only knackered she is is from tiredness, so…</p><p>Her eyes are about to drift shut from exhaustion – remember, she snuck out last night – when something on Kat’s story catches her eyes.</p><p>That mousy hair –</p><p>Is <em>Lexi</em> at Nate’s party?</p><p>She’s suddenly way more focused, the weird protective feeling she gets whenever Lexi’s involved kicking in full force as she clicks back a second to watch the story properly.</p><p>Yeah, it’s Lexi. And she’s obviously very, very drunk. In the video she’s clambering around to the music, bumping into tables and people and walls, while everyone looks on and –</p><p>Oh, fuck, they’re laughing.</p><p>Rue swears gently, and then she’s ringing Kat – who’s not answering, ringing Cassie – also no answer, and then she’s putting on her hoodie and converse and slipping gently out of her bedroom.</p><p>“And where do you think you might be going?” Leslie’s onto her immediately, but she shows her mom the video with only five words.</p><p>“I need to get her.”</p><p>“You’re not going out, Rue.”</p><p>“Mom, you can fucking come with me if you like. I’m not going to get high, I’m going to get my best friend before she makes a bigger fool of herself than she already has.”</p><p>It’s probably the most words she’s spoken to her mother since she got back from rehab. Leslie looks kind of shocked, and maybe that’s why she nods silently and watches as Rue walks out of the house and starts off down the road.</p><p>By the time she gets to Nate’s house she’s wishing she’d brought another jacket, because it’s fucking freezing. She slips in unnoticed, jerks her eyes away from the table of drinks and Ashtray in the corner, and heads out the back to find Lexi.</p><p>She bumps into Kat on the way, asks for direction, and then finds her best friend retching over a pot plant on the porch.</p><p>“Jesus, Lex,” she says, pulling the smaller girl’s hair into a ponytail as Lexi pitches forward and heaves again. Rue watches as Lexi’s entire stomach contents water the plant, and then Lexi’s slurring her name as she turns around and falls into her.</p><p>“Fuck,” Rue grunts, trying to keep her balance as Lexi’s entire weight slams into her body. Lexi’s out of it, eyes glassy as she burps again. “Fuck, don’t vomit on me –” She turns the younger girl’s body towards the grass as Lexi coughs filthy bile up again and again.</p><p>By the time she’s done, Lexi’s sobbing. “R-Rue –”</p><p>“Just here,” Rue promises, and she’s trying to work out how to get them out of there without walking through the entire party. “Okay. We’re gonna go through the side gate, right, Lex? Can you walk?”</p><p>“Where ‘re we g-goin’?” Lexi says, blinking dizzily.</p><p>Rue sighs, carefully tucking Lexi’s sweaty curls behind her ear. “I’ll walk you home, okay? Come on, now.”</p><p>It feels weird to be on the other side of this scenario. Normally she’s the one in Lexi’s place, shitfaced and knocked out – it’s slightly freeing to be the other one.</p><p>It takes her a moment to realise Lexi’s shaking profusely, and another for it to clock in that the smaller girl’s wearing a tiny slip dress and literally nothing else. Rue swallows the <em>I’m so gay</em> thought and instead shrugs reluctantly out of her hoodie, settling it gently around Lexi’s shoulders with a soft ‘Don’t you dare throw up on that, Howard.’</p><p>Lexi’s got her entire body weight pressed against Rue’s side as they trudge home, and by the time they reach Rue’s house she’s half asleep, singing deliriously to herself as Rue drags her inside, past her mother, and into the bedroom.</p><p>“Strip, Lexi,” she says, pulling random clothes from her closet and throwing them onto the bed. But when she turns back around, Lexi’s blinking blankly at her, standing stock still in the room.</p><p>“Oh, fucking hell,” Rue sighs, pulling her hoodie off the other girl. Lexi whines slightly, clutching at the cuff of the sleeve, but Rue pulls it from her and continues, carefully unzipping the dress from Lexi’s body and sliding it down her legs.</p><p>Lexi watches her the whole time, eyes wide and confused, and it’s only when Rue’s pulled a tee over her head does she talk. “Wan ki-kiss you, Rue-Rue.”</p><p>Rue’s got her hands on Lexis’ bare waist. She’s fucking turned <em>on</em>. But Lexi’s drunk and she’s kinda-semi-in love with Jules, so</p><p>“I’m not kissing you, Lexi,” she says with a laugh. “Come on. Get into these shorts for me, okay?”</p><p>When there’s no answer, she looks up, surprised when she sees Lexi whimpering, tears in her eyes and her bottom lip stuck out in a pout.</p><p>“What’s wrong?”</p><p>“Wanna <em>kiss</em> you,” Lexi says again, and when Rue laughs and shakes her head Lexi’s lip wobbles and she sniffles sadly. “Pleas-.”</p><p>“No, Lex,” Rue grins. “Get into bed.”</p><p>Lexi makes no move to do so, so Rue shifts her onto the double bed and wraps her arms around her from the back. Lexi’s shaking again, so the taller girl rolls her over, looking down into her face. Lexi looks <em>broken</em>. Her face is pale, she stinks of alcohol and vomit, and there’s hair plastered to her cheeks with sweat. Oh, and she’s crying.</p><p>“Lexi, what’s –”</p><p>“I wanna <em>kiss you!</em>”</p><p>“Oh, my god,” Rue rolls her eyes. “Fine, dumbass. I’ll kiss you. But then you gotta go to sleep, okay?”</p><p>Lexi’s tears stop immediately and she nods happily. Rue, sighing again, leans down carefully and presses a gentle kiss to Lexi’s soft lips. “Hap-”</p><p>Lexi’s arm wraps around her neck and pulls her back in, lips working steadily against Rue’s as the other girl blinks in surprise. Starting to kiss her back, she ignores the guilt sitting steadily at the back of her mind and moulds into Lexi’s mouth, tongue flicking out to entwine with the other girl’s before she pulls away and tucks the blankets over her friend’s shoulders.</p><p>“Night, Lex.”</p><p>“Nigh, Rue-ue,” Lexi whispers. “’Ove you.”</p><p>“I love you too,” Rue smiles, and she wraps her arms back around Lexi and draws her close.</p><p>And that’s how they stay.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. 6. Have a good day at work</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for all the comments, they mean the world :)) online school is kicking my ass but im trying to write a chapter of this every night haha... maybe by the time it's finished we'll be out of isolation?? manifesting!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In all honesty, Lexi really doesn’t want Rue to go to work today. She had the crappiest night, her sleep interrupted with many a nightmare and now she’s down and tired and she wants to spend the day curled up to her girlfriend watching Brooklyn Nine Nine.</p><p>So when Rue’s alarm goes off at ten past six and wakes her up after she’s <em>just</em> manages to fall back asleep, she whimpers and curls her arms tighter around the lean, taller girl on the other side of the bed.</p><p>Rue laughs sleepily, reaching down to carefully unwind Lexi’s arms from her waist. “Shh, Lex,” she whispers, clearly under the impression that her girlfriend’s still sleeping. “It’s okay, I’ll be back later.”</p><p>Lexi almost <em>whines</em>. She doesn’t <em>want</em> later, she wants <em>now</em>. Instead, she lays quietly as Rue shifts and gets out of bed, and she stays that way until she hears the shower start to run.</p><p>Then – and only then – does she let her tears fall silently, feeling unnecessarily anxious and upset, wanting nothing more than for Rue to just come back and snuggle with her.</p><p>She lays there for a few minutes, feeling sorry for herself and wondering how she’ll fill her day – she’s not at uni today – before she decides its pointless trying to go back to sleep because heaven knows how that ended last time.</p><p>Lexi gets out of bed, pads towards the bathroom and strips from her pyjamas right outside the door before she slips into the steamy room and into the shower.</p><p>If Rue’s surprised that her girlfriend’s suddenly in the shower with her, she doesn’t show it – instead pulling Lexi’s warm body towards her and kissing her deeply, the hot water flowing over their heads. “Hey, gorgeous. Why are you up this early? I thought you didn’t have classes today.”</p><p>Lexi’s hands find Rue’s waist, resting there lightly as she avoids her eyes. “I couldn’t sleep.”</p><p>Rue grins. “Well, I must say I’m not complaining…” she brings Lexi’s face back up to meet her own, a hand tucking carefully under the other girl’s wet locks and pulling her neck forward so their lips can connect. “Ugh, I feel like we’re always busy nowadays… no time for, you know – <em>this</em>.”</p><p>Lexi smiles genuinely. “Maybe you could take the day off and there would be <em>plenty</em> of time for this.”</p><p>Rue laughs, kissing her nose gently. “You know I wish I could, Lex. But I can’t – not today. I’ll try to come home a little earlier, okay? Want me to leave the shower on?”</p><p>Lexi shakes her head silently, following her girlfriend out of the shower and wrapping herself in a towel before she sits crosslegged on the bed, watching Rue dress. She’s not comfortable talking without the slight chance she’ll burst into tears, so she waits for Rue to talk first, eyes following her around the room as she looks for her things.</p><p>“What are you up to today?”</p><p>Lexi shrugs. She should probably try to sleep, but at the moment, being awake seems like the better option. The <em>safer</em> option. “Probably just work on some course work. M-Maybe watch tv.”</p><p>Rue doesn’t seem to pick up on the crack in her girlfriend’s voice, making her way over to the bed and kissing Lexi’s head gently as she pulls a comb through her curls. “Okay, baby. Have fun! I’ll see you tonight – wanna get takeout?”</p><p>Lexi nods, closing her eyes as Rue’s lips rest on her forehead for a second. “Bye, Rue. Have a good day at work.”</p><p>Rue grins at her, and Lexi doesn’t let the small smile fall from her face until she hears the door to their apartment slam shut.</p><p>Then she starts to cry again, and once she starts, she can’t seem to stop. So she doesn’t – she lays on their bed, Rue’s pillow clutched against her chest, and cries until she falls back asleep.</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>When she wakes, it’s with a long keen and wide eyes, hand grasping frantically for her phone as her chest shudders.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck, fuck, fuck, was I dreaming? I had to be dreaming – fuck!</em>
</p><p>She checks her phone and <em>fuck, what if I wasn’t, </em>eyes blindly searching for the number she needs, hands shaking so much that her phone drops and crashes to the floor and she’s stuck in such a state of panic that she just watches it, chest <em>burning</em> as she struggles for air, and then –</p><p>The apartment door flies open and she shoves the covers over her head, body shuddering with sobs, strangled whimpers falling from her lips as she sucks in breath after breath and tries to keep them in.</p><p>She doesn’t hear Rue yell ‘Lex?’ from the kitchen because her heartbeat’s pumping so so loudly in her ears and everything’s dark and shaky and –</p><p>“Lex-iiii,” Rue sings, and the covers are pulled back from her face. “I brought you lun- Lex?” Her tone changes immediately, as soon as she spots her panicked girlfriend. “Hey – <em>shit</em> – hey, baby, it’s me. I’m right here, okay? What happened?”</p><p>Lexi whimpers, eyes wide as she looks up at Rue. “R-Rue – Rue-Rue –”</p><p>Rue drops her bag, kicking her shoes off and sitting lightly on the bed next to Lexi. “Hi, Lex. You’re alright, come up here, okay?”</p><p>Lexi whimpers, a shaking arm reaching up to clutch at Rue’s. “P-Ple-Please-”</p><p>Rue squeezes her hand. “What, baby?”</p><p>“S-Stay,” Lexi whispers, and then she’s crying softly again, burying her face in Rue’s stomach as she shakes.</p><p>“I’m staying, I’m not going anywhere,” Rue promises, and she curls her fingers through Lexi’s hair, running them through the still-damp curls soothingly.</p><p>Lexi’s chest shudders as she presses her face closer into Rue’s top, her tears staining the fabric there as Rue murmurs soft little sentences, fingers never stopping as Lexi starts to breathe again.</p><p>“D-Do you have to – to go b-back?” Lexi whispers ten minutes later, when she can breathe properly, tilting her eyes up to look at Rue.</p><p>“No, baby, no,” Rue promises. “I’m staying here. Right here. With you.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. 7. "I dreamt about you last night."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lexi wakes with a pant, eyes searching frantically in the dark for anything to calm her down. She finds her phone almost immediately, checks the time – <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>She’s shaking badly, sobs restricting her chest as she weighs up her options.</p><p>One: go quick, go <em>now</em>.</p><p>Two: try and go back to sleep. Not happening.</p><p>Three:</p><p>“C-Cass,” she whispers, voice cracking. “Cassie.”</p><p>There’s a snort from across the room and Lexi slips out of her bed on shaky feet and shivers at the cold she meets when she pulls the doona off.</p><p>She pads quietly across to Cassie’s bed, taps her sister on the shoulder. “Cassie.”</p><p>“Mmph,” Cassie mumbles sleepily, rolling over. Lexi feels the lump in her throat grow. She’s struggling for air now.</p><p>“C-Cass-”</p><p>“What is it, Lex?”</p><p>“I c-can’t – I can’t breathe,” Lexi whispers, and she falls onto Cassie’s bed with a loud sob. “I can’t breathe, Cassie-”</p><p>Cassie’s eyes open. “Shit, Lexi,” she says, pulling the blanket up. “C’mere, it’s okay… you’re okay. What happened?”</p><p>“R-Rue,” Lexi whimpers. “Rue-”</p><p>Her mind shoots back to the dream. Rue’s eyes, open wide and unseeing. The vomit splattered across the floor. Her grey skin.</p><p><em>“Fuck, Cassie!”</em> Lexi cries, her small body ravaged with sobs. “Fuck – fuck, Rue – Rue –”</p><p>Cassie’s eyes widen. “It’s okay, Lex. You’re okay. Take a deep breath, okay? It was just a dream… Rue’s okay, she’s okay, I promise.”</p><p>“What – what if she’s – she’s n-not –” Lexi’s tripping over her words, lip sucked between her teeth as tears stream down her cheeks.</p><p>“She is, I promise she is,” Cassie says soothingly, rubbing her hand along Lexi’s arm. “Deep breaths, Lex. C’mon.”</p><p>“I need to – need to s-see-see her,” Lexi says shakily, swiping her hand over her nose. “I gotta g-go, Cass-”</p><p>“You can’t go see her, Lex,” Cassie says tiredly. “It’s four am, Lex, c’mon.”</p><p>“I gotta – please, Cassie, I gotta see her, gotta make sure she’s okay –”</p><p>Cassie sighs. “Shh, Lexi… she’s okay. Take a deep breath.”</p><p>“<em>I can’t fucking breathe!” </em>she screams it, voice raw and broken. “I need to see her, Cassie! I can’t – I can’t get that f-fucking – her fucking face – it’s – I can’t, I can’t – I can’t, Cassie, I can’t do it –”</p><p>Cassie gathers her gently against her, holding her tight. “Shh, Lex. Shh, shh, it’s okay. She’s okay. How about we give her a ring, okay?”</p><p>Lexi nods shakily, back shaking with sobs. “P-Please –”</p><p>The minute it takes to dial Rue, Lexi bites so hard on her lip it cracks ands starts bleeding.</p><p>Ring…</p><p>Ring…</p><p>Ring…</p><p>“Hey, it’s Rue, you know the deal.”</p><p>Lexi takes this huge breath and <em>sobs</em>, face breaking in distress. “Cassie-”</p><p>Cassie swallows heavily and pulls Lexi up and into the kitchen, setting her on the bar stool and giving her a glass of iced water. There’s no way she’s sleeping again tonight.</p><p>“Little sips, Lex. Little sips.”</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>Lexi thinks that by 6:30 <em>someone</em> in the Bennett household will be awake. She’s the tiniest bit calmer now, having taken a Xanax, but she’s still shaking and she still <em>really needs to see Rue</em>.</p><p>Cassie walks over there with her, nursing a coffee and gripping her hand, and Lexi knocks on their door, her anxiety shooting up again.</p><p>
  <em>Her face. Her fucking face. </em>
</p><p>Leslie opens the door with a yawn. “Bit early, isn’t it, Lexi?”</p><p>Cassie shoots her an apologetic look, but Lexi trips over her words. “Is Rue okay?”</p><p>“Uh, yeah,” Leslie looks confused. “She’s sleeping. Why wouldn’t she be?”</p><p>“I need to see her,” Lexi’s about to cry, so she pushes past Leslie and stumbles clumsily down the hall to Rue’s room, not knocking, bursting straight in.</p><p>She can hear Cassie talking to Leslie, but she focusses on the body on the bed – fuck –</p><p>She bursts into heavy sobs and throws her body against Rue’s as soon as she sees that her face – it’s not grey, it’s not covered in sick, it’s normal – she’s breathing – fuck –</p><p>“Lexi?” Rue’s voice is sleep ridden, her eyes blinking open. “Lex?”</p><p>Lexi’s nails dig into Rue’s shoulders, her arms tight around the other girl’s neck. “F-Fuck, Rue –”</p><p>“Hey – hey…” Rue whispers, pulling Lexi under the warmth of the blankets with her. “Shh… shh – jesus, it’s early – are you okay?”</p><p>Lexi doesn’t answer, burying her face in Rue’s neck, little whimpers breaking from her lips.</p><p>“Lex,” Rue says again. “Need you to talk to me, bub.”</p><p>Lexi sobs. “I – I had a – I dreamt – a-about you – l-last night – don’t go, Rue – fuck – f-fuck… Rue –”</p><p>“Hey… hey, Lexi-Lex, you’re okay,” Rue says softly, stroking her hand down Lexi’s back. “It’s alright… you’re alright, take a deep breath… I got you.”</p><p>Lexi takes a breath obligingly, sucking on her bottom lip. “Rue,” she whines quietly.</p><p>“I’m right here,” Rue whispers, pressing her lips carefully under Lexi’s ear. “Shh, you’re okay. I’ve got you, okay? I’m not letting you go.”</p><p>Lexi wants to believe her, but her mind keeps going back to Rue’s unmoving body, and she whimpers, face crumpling before she lets out a long whine.</p><p>“Shh, shh,” Rue says gently, curling her arms around the other girl. “It’s okay. I’m not going anywhere. I’ve got you.”</p><p><em>She’s got you</em>. Lexi focusses on that, feeling the way Rue’s heart beats beneath her ear. Her grip tightens when Rue shifts, breath hitching.</p><p>“Not letting go, Lex,” Rue says. “Promise.”</p><p>Lexi melts into her, taking shaky breaths in time with Rue’s. “Are you s-sure?”</p><p>“Sure about what?”</p><p>“Not gonna le’ me go,” Lexi whispers, but her eyes are falling shut and she has to work to keep them open. “’S warm, Rue-Rue.”</p><p>“Never gonna let you go,” Rue whispers back. She tightens her grip slightly, pulls the blanket securely around their shoulders. “You’re okay.”</p><p>By the time Leslie and Cassie walk in to check on them, Lexi’s fast asleep in Rue’s arms, her breath fluttering in time with Rue’s, eyes closed peacefully. She’s got her arms wrapped tight around Rue’s neck, cheek resting against the other girl’s chest, lips parted slightly. Rue’s eyes are closed too, her lips set against Lexi’s temple, arms thrown loosely over Lexi’s body. The two are entwined, lost in sleep. Together.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. 8. Take My Seat</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ahaha. smut. oops.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>sorry i disappeared for a while lol,,, shit happened. good shit tho!! also bad shit. pandemic shit. anyways. love y'all</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rue’s never really liked group sleepovers. It’s too much paying attention to what she’s doing and not enough relaxing.</p><p>She didn’t really want to come tonight. But Gia had convinced her it would be fun, and sent her off to the Howards’ with a duffel full of snacks.</p><p>Now she’s here, sitting between Maddy and Kat and Cassie and BB and making faces at Lexi across the circle. She’s pretty sure her girlfriend doesn’t wanna be here either.</p><p>They’re talking about boys – god, do they ever stop? – and Rue can’t really contribute to that so she sits and picks at her nails and bites her lip and wishes she was at home watching Love Island.</p><p>“Rue.” Cassie’s voice shocks her.</p><p>“Mm?”</p><p>“What do you think of Nate?”</p><p>In all honesty, she fucking <em>hates</em> Nate, but Maddy’s got death-eyes on her so she shrugs, and looks back down at her nails.</p><p>She can feel Cassie’s look to the others, and swallows nervously. Fuck, this was such a bad idea.</p><p>“Rue.” This time it’s Lexi. “Wanna come help me set up the movie?”</p><p>She nods gratefully, getting up and following the youngest Howard out to the kitchen.</p><p>“Je-sus,” Lexi groans as she shoves microwave popcorn into the microwave. “They’re so boring. What the fuck.”</p><p>Rue laughs softly. “Yeah.”</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>Rue nods. “Yeah. Thanks.”</p><p>Lexi shoves her, shooting her a quick smile. “Help me get the snacks then, crazy.”</p><p>Rue shoves her back, and then they’re throwing popcorn this way and that and she feels better.</p><p>“Okay, c’mon, let’s go get the dumbasses,” Lexi says eventually.</p><p>Rue smiles. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be right in.”</p><p>Lexi nods. “Okay! Don’t be too long. We’re gonna watch Titanic.”</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>When she walks into the lounge room, every fucking seat is taken and they’re all staring at her. <em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>She wants to walk back out and go home and bury her face in a pillow and never come out again.</p><p>“Here,” Lexi says gently, reaching up to touch Rue’s hand softly. “Take my seat.”</p><p>“Where will you sit?” She offers Lexi a little smile.</p><p>“Don’t worry about me,” Lexi says, standing up and gesturing down to the seat. “Here.”</p><p>Rue sits down gratefully. “Wait, Lex,” she says quietly. “There’s room for two.”</p><p>She hears Cassie snicker slightly – does she know? - and blushes, but Lexi grins at her and plops down next to her with a smile. “Thanks,” she says quietly.</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>At some point in the movie, they end up snuggled up together.</p><p>At another, Maddy and BB go out to smoke.</p><p>At another, Cassie and Kat join them.</p><p>By the time the ship is sinking, Lexi and Rue are alone and Rue’s quite aware she could and probably should move to her own seat. But Lexi’s warm. And Rue’s comfortable.</p><p>At the end of the movie, Rue looks across to Lexi, who’s eyes are fixed on the screen, and watches the tears roll down her cheeks.</p><p>She lifts her thumb up and gently swipes the tears away, and Lexi looks at her for a second, eyes staring deep into hers.</p><p>And then they’re kissing.</p><p>Rue doesn’t know who started it, but she knows that she’s kissing hard and Lexi’s kissing harder. She brings her hands up to hold Lexi’s waist, another hand up to cup her cheek, sighs into Lexi’s lips and ignores the sombre notes of My Heart Will Go On playing in the background.</p><p>Someone walks in and goes ‘ooh’ before the door’s closing behind them again, and Lexi pulls back with a pant. “We should – move –”</p><p>Rue nods, and then she’s pulling Lexi breathlessly down the hallway into their bedroom, backing her up against the door and tangling her hands in Lexi’s hair.</p><p>Lexi arches her neck, breathless sighs falling from her lips as Rue’s reconnect with her neck. Lexi doesn’t know what to do with her hands, so she wraps them around Rue’s waist and gasps silently as Rue’s lips trail downwards.</p><p>“R-Rue,” Lexi whispers. “The others –”</p><p>Rue looks up at her. “They’re outside, with alcohol. They’ll be ages.”</p><p>Lexi nods, head falling back again as Rue resumes her attack on her neck, one of her hands coming up to cup Lexi’s boob.</p><p>Lexi’s breath catches as Rue fingers the hem of her pyjama pants teasingly. “May I, Miss Howard?”</p><p>“Oh, fuck, yeah,” Lexi breathes, pressing Rue’s head down as she presses her back against the wall. “F-Fuck.”</p><p>Rue kisses a line along Lexi’s waistband, and then slips her fingers in and teases the pants down until they’re pooled around Lexi’s ankles.</p><p>She presses a chaste kiss against Lexi’s clothed clit and feels her girlfriend shudder against the door. Lexi’s hands tangle in her hair, holding her in place as she kisses the inside of Lexi’s thighs teasingly.</p><p>“Hurry u-up,” Lexi says, her voice strangled.</p><p>“Bit needy, Lex,” Rue laughs, but she kisses Lexi’s thigh once more before she’s peeling her underpants down and kissing gently across the top of Lexi’s pelvis.</p><p>Lexi thrusts slightly into Rue’s mouth, and Rue laughs again before she takes Lexi’s clit in her lips and suckles, tongue flicking over the small bud as Lexi squirms.</p><p>“F-fuck – yes, Rue, fuck yes –” Lexi shoves her hand into her mouth to keep quiet, hips arching into Rue’s ministrations.</p><p>The other girl licks a long strip along Lexi’s slit, swirling her tongue around her clit before she repeats her actions again, Lexi’s breathless moans egging her along.</p><p>She flattens her tongue against Lexi and curls her lips around her clit again, sucking harder now as Lexi’s grip tightens in her hair, a breathy <em>ah </em>coming from the girl above.</p><p>“You like that, huh?” Rue murmurs, and the vibrations from her voice make Lexi’s eyes roll back.</p><p>“Y-yeah,” Lexi chokes. “Yeah, f-fuck – Rue – I need –”</p><p>“Need what?” Rue asks, licking around her entrance. “This?” Her tongue flicks inside, teasing, before she pulls out and goes back to her clit.</p><p>“Fuck,” Lexi whines. “N-No, go back – please, Rue, please –”</p><p>Her begging does something to Rue, who starts to plunge her tongue in and out, reaching a thumb up to circle Lexi’s clit at the same time. She knows what her girl likes, and <em>fuck</em> if she’s not gonna make her cry out.</p><p>“Being a bit quiet, Lex,” she says in between licks.</p><p>“There are – <em>ah, fuck – </em>there are people,” Lexi grunts, leg muscles tightening around Rue’s head.</p><p>“Fuck the people,” Rue murmurs, and she presses hard on Lexi’s clit and shoves her tongue in long and hard, feeling Lexi tense. “Talk to me.”</p><p>“F-<em>fuck</em>, that feels – feels so good,” Lexi whimpers, “fuck, do it again – p-please –”</p><p>Rue does as she’s asked, but she keeps going this time, feels Lexi grip onto her for support.</p><p>“Oh, fuck, Rue,” Lexi says. “Fuck – fuck, <em>ah – fuck – Rue – </em>Rue… <em>ahh –</em>”</p><p>“Talk to me, Lexi,” Rue says, stopping momentarily. “C’mon.”</p><p>“Fuck!” Lexi’s gasping steadily, her hands curled into fists in Rue’s hair. “Fuck, I’m gonna – I’m gonna come – fuck – <em>Rue ­–”</em></p><p>Rue licks a circle around Lexi’s opening and then brings her fingers up to curl inside her girlfriend, lips coming up to suckle her clit as her fingers beckon inside Lexi. “C’mon, Lex,” she murmurs against her clit. “Come on -”</p><p>“<em>Fuck!</em>” Lexi cries out loudly, body stiffening as she holds Rue’s face against her. “Ah, fuck.”</p><p>Rue stands up, wiping her mouth against the back of her hand and pressing her lips against Lexi’s. “We’d better get back,” she says with a  smile. “The others’ll be wondering where we are.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. 9. "I saved a piece for you."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sad</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello another update lol coz having smut as my most recently posted feels weird. please comment! love y'all</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lexi hears the door to their apartment open with a smile, but she doesn’t make any move to get up. “Hey, Rue,” she calls, eyes still trained on the tv. “I ordered pizza. Wasn’t sure when you were gonna be home, but I saved a piece for you!”</p><p>There’s no response, but she doesn’t think much of it.</p><p>Not until, at least, her girlfriend walks in.</p><p>Rue’s face is blank, and she’s standing, staring at Lexi as if she doesn’t know what to do with her body.</p><p>“Rue?” Lexi says gently, looking up. “Is everything okay?”</p><p>Rue says nothing, her face scarily pale, her eyes showing nothing but a glassy sheen.</p><p>“Rue,” Lexi says again, a little more worried now. “Babe, are you okay?”</p><p>“Lex,” Rue says, taking a slow breath.</p><p>Then she collapses.</p><p><em>“Rue!”</em> Lexi cries, jumping up and flinging her blankets – and the pizza – onto the floor. She crouches next to her girlfriend, checking her pulse, her breathing –</p><p>But Rue’s sitting back up.</p><p>“No, no, no,” Lexi says, trying to catch her breath. “Stay down, it’s okay.”</p><p>“I’m fine,” Rue says quietly. “It’s just – it’s been a really long day.”</p><p>Lexi looks at her, concern clear on her face. “I don’t know, Rue-Rue…”</p><p>To her surprise, Rue’s eyes fill. “Please, Lex. I just need – I just want a cuddle, please.”</p><p>Lexi softens, a small smile settling on her lips. “Okay, bub. C’mere.”</p><p>Rue crawls into her arms, and though she’s 27 and Lexi’s 26, she’s never seemed so small. Lexi supposes it’s because she’s been working on this case for months – late nights, early mornings, little sleep and little time together.</p><p>“Miss you,” Rue whispers, and Lexi nods.</p><p>“I miss you too. Is everything okay?”</p><p>Rue sniffs, face crumpling in Lexi’s neck. “I –”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Lexi murmurs. “Take your time.”</p><p>Rue looks up, and she looks so incredibly tired and worn out, her eyes watering as her lip wobbles. When she speaks, it’s hardly louder than a breath.</p><p>“They found the body,” she whispers. “It – fuck, Lex, it was a kid, a tiny girl – fuck –” She starts to sob, her whole body shaking in Lexi’s arms. “I can’t get it out of my mind, Lexi, who the fuck would – fuck, her poor parents…”</p><p>“Oh, Rue,” Lexi sighs, drawing her closer. “I’m – I’m so sorry, little one. Do you – do you wanna talk about it?”</p><p>Rue shakes her head, burying closer into Lexi. “Not tonight. I wanna be with you tonight.”</p><p>Lexi smiles sadly. “Okay, bub. Want me to run a bath?”</p><p>“Will you come in it with me?”</p><p>Lexi nods again. “Of course.”</p><p>Rue smiles. “Yes, please.”</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>By the time Lexi’s put Rue’s favourite bubble bath in and run the water hot, Rue’s got a little bit of colour back into her skin and she’s sitting on the edge of the toilet seat, watching Lexi.</p><p>Lexi can feel her eyes on the back of her neck, and she turns around. “You okay?”</p><p>Rue nods silently, stands up and lets Lexi strip her clothes until they’re both naked. They slip into the warm water of the bath, sliding beneath the bubbles, and Lexi pulls Rue up against her, resting Rue’s back against her chest.</p><p>Rue sighs happily, her eyes fluttering closed as Lexi runs her fingers along her girlfriend’s taught stomach, breathing evening out for the first time all day.</p><p>“Love you,” Lexi says softly, pressing her lips to the crown of Rue’s head. “So much. I’m so proud of you.”</p><p>Rue feels more tears fall down her cheeks, and she says nothing in reply, just nestling further into Lexi. But Lexi Howard knows.</p><p>She always does.</p><p>She starts to wash water over Rue’s curls, running her fingers through them before gently leaning back to pump a squirt of shampoo into the palm of her hand. She massages it into Rue’s head, taking her time, her hands rolling across her tense scalp as she works the wash through.</p><p>Handfuls of water wash over Rue’s head and then it’s conditioner time, long fingers combing through her hair as she keeps her eyes closed and focusses on the way Lexi’s hands feel.</p><p>When the conditioner is all washed out and Lexi’s 67% sure Rue’s eyes are closed and she’s about to fall asleep, she helps her up and wraps her in a towel, leading her out to their bedroom and rummaging around for a second to find her hoodie. Rue shrugs it on gratefully, and she looks, somehow, even smaller in the soft folds of the fabric. Lexi smiles at her warmly, curling her arms around the taller girl’s waist and breathing her in.</p><p>“I love you, Rue Rue,” she whispers, and feels Rue’s smile against her neck.</p><p>“Love you too,” Rue says softly. They get into the bed, and Lexi’s quick to pull Rue’s favourite blanket around their shoulders. They snuggle into it, Rue’s lean body curled up under Lexi’s arm, the other girl’s arms wrapped around her middle. Lexi presses her lips to Rue’s head, running her hand gently through her still-wet curls as Rue snuggles closer.</p><p>“Close your eyes, baby,” Lexi murmurs. “Go to sleep. I’m right here, I’m not letting go.”</p><p>Rue shakes her head with a quiet moan, crunching her eyes tight shut against the onslaught of images that threaten to arise. “Lex-”</p><p>“It’s okay,” Lexi whispers. “I know. But it’s okay. It’s all gonna be okay.” She strokes her thumb gently against Rue’s cheek, sighing against her head. “I’m sorry it was such a shitty day, Rue.”</p><p>Rue nods. “Me too. But – But I’m just… I’m just really happy to be with you here now.”</p><p>Lexi smiles. “Me too, baby girl. I love you so much. Get some rest, okay? I’ve got you.”</p><p>Rue lets out a long sigh, her eyes fluttering closed as Lexi draws lines along her back. “’Night, Lex.”</p><p>“Night, Rue. Sweet dreams.”</p><p>Rue definitely does not have sweet dreams. But it’s okay, because Lexi’s there. Lexi’s always there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. 10. I'm sorry for your loss</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>...sorry</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi! sorry it's been a while, melbourne's back in lockdown and the restrictions are way heavier this time and my mental health is lowkey not coping but i've had a few good days this week so i wrote a bit and now we have a new chapter!! i love you all, stay safe :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>People say it to Lexi for days after the overdose.</p><p>Everywhere she goes, someone’s all ‘we know how you feel’ and ‘sorry for your loss’ and she wants to scream at them <em>RUE ISN’T DEAD. </em></p><p>She does, at one point. She screams at a teacher and gets yelled at and sent to the office to go home and with her they send a referral for a psychologist. Cassie picks her up with tears in her eyes and together they drive back to the hospital – god, Lexi’s coming to know this place as her second home – and she sits, holding Rue’s hand, for hours and hours and hours and hours.</p><p>Leslie and Gia float in and out. Rue’s dealer, Fezco – he comes too. Cassie comes only to drag her home or give her food or spray her with perfume so she doesn’t smell as bad as she looks.</p><p>She knows all the nurses by name, and they look at her with pity every time they walk in to check Rue’s vitals.</p><p>And she’s not dumb. She’s actually very smart. She knows not many people come back from fucking <em>life support</em>. Or from ODs.</p><p>She’s researched it. Thoroughly.</p><p>But in her heart she allows herself to believe that Rue will be part of the ‘small proportion’ of people who do.</p><p>And that’s why she sits, day after day, reading Rue their English book and Shakespeare and this random book of poems she found lying around her house.</p><p>That’s why she plays music she knows Rue loves, why she tells story after story of their past and their future (but not their present, never their present).</p><p>That’s why she tells Rue what’s going on at school, reads her bad dad jokes, sings quietly when the rest of the ward is empty. It’s why she saves the jello cups the nurses bring her out of sympathy – but only the red. They’re Rue’s favourites.</p><p>She cries when she’s sure no one’s watching, sobs her heart out into Rue’s chest – the chest that’s only rising right now because of the machine beside it.</p><p>No one speaks to her. All Leslie says is a quiet “Lex…” on the first day – nothing more. Cassie looks at her with broken eyes and she wants to yell <em>STOP SHE’S GONNA BE OKAY.</em></p><p>But as the days go on, she becomes less sure. And when it hits a week – a week where all she’s done is hold Rue’s cold hand and whisper chapters of meaningless literature into her unhearing ears – Lexi’s so numb and cold she’s not sure what to do.</p><p>She knows what the looks, and the conversations, the doctors have with Leslie mean. But she’s still not prepared when the eldest Bennett takes her hand and starts to sob.</p><p>“We have to let her go, Lexi,” she’s crying. “We’ve gotta let her go.”</p><p>Gia’s standing behind her, tears rolling silently down her cheeks as she watches Lexi’s face go slack and her eyes go blank. She watches her mom hold Lexi and rub her back, and she watches Lexi’s face set in determination.</p><p>And Lexi thinks maybe she’ll be arrested for what she does next. But she screams at Leslie and throws herself at Rue’s limp figure, covering her lean body with her own. They can’t let her go. They can’t. She pounds at the bed, careful not to hit Rue, kicks and screams and sobs and clutches at her best friend.</p><p>But life isn’t a movie. Rue doesn’t wake up as Lexi sobs into her chest. She doesn’t magically get cured and sit up and kiss Lexi with all her might. She stays as still and as dead as she’s been for the past week, and Lexi can’t help but scream and cry until her throat hurts.</p><p>The doctors pull her off roughly, and she scratches at them, almost animalistic in her rush to get to Rue, to save Rue.</p><p>But –</p><p>“There’s no saving her now, Miss Howard,” her favourite nurse whispers as her holds her tight. “She’s gone.”</p><p><em>Gone</em>.</p><p>Lexi’s feels all the breath rush out of her, and she collapses to the ground right as she watches Leslie flick a switch, and then –</p><p>Black. Everything goes black and she has only a second to contemplate how she’d like if it stayed like this forever now before she’s being helped to sit up against a bed and she knows her face is in the ugliest shape, stuck in an expression of pure anguish, and she scrambles away from them and curls her arms around Rue’s neck.</p><p>They go to pull her off again, but Leslie lets her stay. Through her tears, the older woman rubs Lexi’s back as the girl buries her face in her daughter’s neck, desperate to draw the last essence of Rue from her skin.</p><p>She’s so numb. So incredibly numb. She can’t stop crying. But she doesn’t want to.</p><p>She just wants Rue back.</p><p>And then, out of the blue, she feels something tickle her neck. She freezes, stock still, trying to contain her shaky sobs as she waits.</p><p>There it is again.</p><p>“Leslie,” Lexi says, very, very quietly. “Leslie, come here.”</p><p>Rue’s mom shakes her head, but Lexi’s sure of it now. “She’s breathing, Leslie, come here –”</p><p>And sure enough, she is. Very slowly, very shallowly – but she is.</p><p>“Rue,” Lexi whispers, tears still streaming down her face. “Rue – Rue, come back… come back to me, Rue-Rue…”</p><p>It still doesn’t work – life’s not a movie, right? But Leslie calls the doctor back and he shares teary hugs with them and exclaims of miracles but Lexi doesn’t join in.</p><p>She lays there, atop of her sleeping best friend, and waits.</p><p>And thirty-six hours later, Rue Bennett coughs suddenly and vomits all down her chin, all over Lexi’s hand.</p><p>But Lexi doesn’t care. And as Rue’s eyes flicker open for the first time in nine days, the first thing she sees is Lexi Howard’s lips, ascending on hers.</p><p>And she thinks she must have gone to heaven.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. 11. "You can have half."</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi :) i hate stage four lockdown :))) here's rexi bein cute. i miss them.</p><p>tw for ocd, depression, and addiction (a bit) and panic attacks, also food</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Psychology has clearly never been Rue’s favourite class. Her teacher drones on and on constantly about what’s wrong with her brain and she’s sure it’s fine for the kids who don’t actually. Have. Those brain problems – but she does. She’s an unfortunate sufferer of the anxiety and the depression her teacher preaches, and god, the drugs semester? Let’s just say she spent more time out of the classroom than in.</p><p>It’s okay this semester, though, because Lexi’s dropped advanced calc and now sits next to her in psych, her hand always there to give Rue’s a gentle squeeze when things get tough. The teacher’s an absolute idiot, so she doesn’t pay attention when the other kids call Rue crazy and piss at her behind her back, but Lexi does.</p><p>Yeah, Lexi snaps at them constantly, clutches Rue’s hand so tightly Rue thinks it might fall off, holds her when she leaves to cry in the bathroom. Rue’s come to sort of look forward to psych.</p><p>She just wishes she could turn her ears off. Focus on the softness of Lexi’s fingers entwined with hers or the way Lexi’s grip tightens whenever Rue’s breath catches.</p><p>Not listen to stupid Ms Fridtz drone on and on about how her brain is fucked.</p><p>Anyways.</p><p>Today they’re doing some experiment on random allocation and different experimental designs… Rue’s not sure. She’s glad, once again, that Lex’s in her class, because she wasn’t listening when the teacher explained it because she was eyeing the Smarties on the table.</p><p>Lexi’s listening. Thank god.</p><p>Rue just wants the chocolate.</p><p>When the teacher finishes explaining, Rue grins at Lexi and Lexi grins back (she always does) and then the chocolate gets handed out. Rue feels like a child. She opens the smarties and puts them into a rainbow, giggling softly.</p><p>She doesn’t care what the others think.</p><p>She’s feeling good.</p><p>But then the <em>stupid</em> teacher makes some dumb joke about OCD and the amount of Smarties and Rue feels the breath fall out of her and suddenly she’s counting and counting and counting and <em>FUCK –</em></p><p> Her hand spasms and the smarties go flying across her desk and onto the floor and she stands up, the chair falling back with a bang, her eyes wide and darting around the room as she scouts for the exit.</p><p>When she finds the door again, she hottails it – ignores Lexi’s pleads for her to stay and the other kids ‘jesus christ’’s, ignores the teacher’s ‘what?’ and just <em>runs</em>.</p><p>She runs and runs and finally makes it to the very back of the auditorium, curls into a tight ball in one of the back rows between the seats and <em>shakes</em>, feeling the walls press in on her as her brain goes numb.</p><p>She doesn’t feel anything for a bit, but then allofthesuddenshedoes –</p><p>She’s counting the rows of seats and counting the lights and pressing her nails into the web of skin between her thumb and her forefinger and strugglingstrugglingstruggling for breath –</p><p>“Rue?”</p><p>She swears she tries not to let Lexi know where she is but this tiny whimper escapes her lips and suddenly Lex is running up the stairs towards her and she turns away but then she’s there and she’s there and she’s there –</p><p>“Hey, Rue-Rue,” Lexi coos, crouching gently next to her friend. “Can you hold my hand for me, bub?”</p><p>Rue shakes her head, shaking so badly Lexi can feel it from 30cm away, and she sighs. “Rue, baby, it’s okay-”</p><p>“<em>It’s not okay, Lexi!”</em> The words fall from her lips with a loud sob and suddenly she’s up again, stumbling towards the exit, but Lexi’s faster and she stops her at the end of the row, putting her hands out to break Rue’s fall as she collapses into her shorter friend, body heaving with cries.</p><p>“Shhh,” Lexi murmurs, leading her over to a set of seats and welcoming Rue into her lap. “Shh, shh, you’re –” She almost says ‘okay’ again but stops herself, curling Rue closer. “You’re gonna be alright. This will be over soon, okay? You’ll feel better in a minute, try to breathe, okay?”</p><p>“Ican’tbreathe.” Rue’s sobs are wheezy, not really cries – rather whines, breaking from her lips into the still air of the auditorium surrounding them, echoing down the rows of seats, towards the stage.</p><p>Lexi reaches up carefully and cups Rue’s cheek, trying and failing to turn the panicking girl’s eye’s towards her. Rue jerks out of her grasp, letting out a long keen that has Lexi blowing a breath through her lips as she works to keep Rue in her lap.</p><p>“I know – I know, Rue, I know –” The taller girl is struggling like nothing else and Lexi’s half tempted to let her go, but that would mean getting her again before she does something stupid, and honestly, Rue just needs to be held.</p><p>Lexi knows she’ll calm down with the right amount of pressure, the right amount of strong arms around her waist, but <em>god</em>, if she doesn’t stop struggling –</p><p>“Rue, you need to calm down – c’mon…”</p><p>The taller girl jerks this way and that, and then suddenly she wraps her arms tightly around Lexi’s neck and buries her face into the smaller girl’s neck, her body falling as a dead weight against Lexi’s as she finally stops struggling and starts to cry steadily.</p><p>“Shh, shh,” Lexi murmurs, running her hands over Rue’s back. Rue shakes beneath her, mouth open wide against Lexi’s bare neck as she cries steadily, her nose running and sending streams of tears and snot down her cheeks and chin.</p><p>Lexi sighs heavily, keeping her tight hold on Rue as she whispers affirmations into the trembling girl’s temple, Rue’s nails curling into the bare skin of her back, leaving little crescent marks when she takes a hand away to wipe at her face. Lexi holds her tight until she’s breathing properly again, eyes fluttering tiredly shut against Lexi’s collarbone.</p><p>Maybe twenty minutes pass, and Lexi says “Wanna go back to class? We don’t have to.”</p><p>Rue whimpers. “Bu’ they’re doin’ an exper’ment… and my smarties…” she blinks sadly, lip wobbling again.</p><p>Lexi smiles down at her. “I still have mine,” she says, pulling the little blue box out of her pocket. “You can have half.”</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. 12. take my jacket, it's cold outside</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi :) long time no see, huh? truth be told im not doing great at the moment and i haven't written anything for MONTHS because of it. so, despite having written up to about chapter 23? maybe??? this might be the last chapter for a bit while i get back on my feet and try to, yknow, live for a bit. i love rue and lexi a lot but they're not helping my mental state too much and i want the stuff i give to you guys to be quality! quality takes time and im really struggling to concentrate at the moment so idk how long it will be before the next chapter comes :(</p><p>but! this chapter is super soft, super fluffy, just our beautiful girls and their adorably fucked up love. i promise im not giving up on them or on you!! i will be back, i just need a little break. love you all! enjoy them :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lexi and Rue have movie nights all the time. Ever since Jules left and Lexi found Rue passed out on the side of the road that fateful night, it’s become a sort of tradition and Rue finds herself looking forward to them.</p><p>Tonight they’re watching <em>Let it Snow</em>, and it’s not that entertaining – in fact, Rue and Lexi have spent more time giggling at videos on Lexi’s phone than actually watching Jacob Batalon and Kiernan Shipka on screen.</p><p>They’re entwined on the couch, a few blankets piled on top of them as they laugh at this random video of a turtle. Lexi’s hair is down in curls, tickling Rue’s shoulder blade as they cuddle together against the backdrop of the movie.</p><p>There’s a hard snowstorm raging outside – being mid-December and all, it’s fucking <em>freezing</em> – and Rue’s glad she’s cuddled up to her girlfriend instead of out in the sleet.</p><p>She had a pretty rough day today and she’d been texting Lexi about it when the girl had suggested the movie night. Rue had made her way right over, feeling hopeful for the first time all day, rapping on Lexi’s door with a bag of jelly worms in her hand and her favourite blanket wrapped around her shoulders.</p><p>Lexi had hugged her tight as soon as she opens the door, and Rue had melted into her like a marshmellow in hot chocolate… god, she loves her.</p><p>They have hot chocolate, too, and at one stage Rue goes and looks out at the snow drifting down (heavily, might she add) and sets her cocoa on the windowsill and wonders at how this is her life. Lexi comes over, wraps her arms around Rue’s waist and pulls the taller girl’s back against her stomach, resting her chin on Rue’s shoulder as they look out together.</p><p>Rue turns around and grins at her, a slim hand coming up to cup her cheek before she’s capturing her lips in a gentle kiss, smiling into Lexi’s mouth as the other girl pulls her back to the couch.</p><p>Within seconds Lexi’s in Rue’s lap, arms curled around the taller girl’s neck as she tilts her neck up to reach Rue’s lips. Rue opens her mouth slightly, sighing into the kiss, her lips working hard against her girlfriend’s, tongue flicking out to trace Lexi’s bottom lip.</p><p>Lexi and Rue have been together for two years now, and Rue still feels the same tingles that she felt the very first time they kissed, the same shivers run up her back as Lexi drags her nails down Rue’s neck, as the smaller girl arches her hips into Rue’s to get her closer.</p><p>Rue still feels just as hot and flustered when Lexi pulls away, biting her lip, eyes sparkling, and she feels the same flicker of nervousness as she pulls her girlfriend back in to suck gently on her bottom lip.</p><p>Lexi’s mouth opens with a  small ‘ah’, and Rue’s so in love with her, a soft moan falling from her lips as Lexi’s tongue entwines with hers. Lexi, as small as she is, loves to lead their kisses, holding Rue as the other girl seems to melt, tilting her head back to take her mouth over and over again.</p><p>Lexi’s lips are just as soft as they always are, covered in minty chapstick and fluttering across Rue’s cheekbone suddenly, making their way behind her ear and sucking gently, Rue’s neck falling backwards with a  sigh, Lexi’s lips working their way down her neck and into her cleavage.</p><p>Her pullover falls aside, Lexi’s gentle lips finding the soft rivulet between Rue’s small breasts, and Rue’s holding her head there and then pulling Lexi back up to capture her lips once more. Lexi’s weight is soft above her body, lips working tirelessly on Rue’s, which she’s sure are swollen and red.</p><p>“God, I love you,” she whispers, pressing the words against Lexi’s lips as the other girl drinks them in with a  smile.</p><p>“Love you more,” she says, and kisses Rue again.</p><p>Again and again and again.</p><p>Lexi lays her head on Rue’s shoulder, the movie behind them completely forgotten as her lips attack Rue’s neck. Rue’s breath hitches, neck flying backwards, mouth opening in a silent gasp.</p><p>She pulls Lexi up again, desperate for her lips, sinks her teeth gently into the bottom one as Lexi gasps, grinding her hips against Rue’s. “Jesus-”</p><p>Rue grins, curls her arms around Lexi’s waist and holds her against her, mouth open and hot against Lexi’s, their tongues fighting and fighting and goditfeelssogood-</p><p>Lexi moans out her name, Rue’s thighs twitching to hold her in place, the shorter girl’s hands lost in Rue’s curls, holding her to her. “Fuck-”</p><p>Rue’s phone chimes, and she swears again, pulling away from Lexi to check it. “It’s my mom,” she says sadly. “Gia’s sick and she needs me to pick up some groceries. Sorry.”</p><p>Lexi smiles, lips throbbing. “’S okay. Here –” She moves up, off Rue’s lap, and pulls a jacket from the chair next to them. “Take my jacket. ‘S cold outside.”</p><p>Rue smiles at her, takes the jumper with a  quick peck and grasps her hand, lips lingering for a moment before she jumps up and heads to the door. “See you tomorrow,” she says warmly, kissing Lexi once more. “Love you.”</p><p>“Love you too,” Lexi smiles. “Be safe.”</p><p>0o0o0</p><p>When she gets home, lugging the groceries and covered in a thick layer of snow, Leslie smiles at her and takes the bag. “How was Lex?”</p><p>“Good,” Rue says, smiling, sucking her lips. “Good.”</p><p>Leslie nods. “Kay. You’ve had dinner?”</p><p>Rue nods back. “Yeah. Is Gia okay?”</p><p>A shrug. “Been throwing up all night. Just a bug, I think. She’s miserable.”</p><p>Rue scrunches her face up, sticks her head into Gia’s doorway on the way to her room. “Hey, Gia Marie,” she says quietly. “Hope you feel better.”</p><p>Gia looks up at her, face pale and a tupperware bowl sitting beside her bed. “Stay back. I’m dying.”</p><p>Rue grins, pokes her tongue out and heads down the hallway to her room, flopping on her bed.</p><p>There’s a single text from Lexi.</p><p>
  <em>Keep the jumper. Love you </em>
  <em>😊</em>
</p><p>Rue smiles, snuggles into the slightly damp material, and falls asleep.</p>
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